Goody Goody Gumdro.......

Welcome fellow, bloggers, today I am here to tell you about what I did for writing this week.  This week we did the same as last week, remember we tasted some ice cream which was vanilla flavour and we had to write about it.  So this week we tasted the flavour called Goody Goody gumdrops, which wasn't really y favourite, because it had hard lollies. 

So this week (again) we had to write a draft then we had to then get and give feed back and then do our final draft. 

Here is my draft:
As I looked through the heart throbbing ice cream, I felt a shirll all through my body.  I scooped I bit out, it looked like a bright pastel wall.  Inside the cup was malachite world of wonder, there were candy drops, they looked like a blessing rainbow.  As I plopped the spoon in my mouth, it slowly liquefied inside my mouth.  It tasted like mint with a hint of bubblegum, the sublime taste of the nectarios ice cream.  I plopped some of the formidable gummy into my mouth, it was as hard as a stone wall.  The ice cream smelt like bubble gum the smell tantalizing I felt like I was in a whole different world.

Here is the feedback Mikayla gave me:
This is amazing Lyan I don't think you need to do anything but I love the part when you say*As I looked through the heart throbbing ice cream, I felt a shirll all through my body* keep up the great work.

So then here is my Final draft:
As I looked through the heart throbbing ice cream, I felt a shrill all through my body.  I scooped I bit out, it looked like a bright pastel wall.  Inside the cup was malachite world of wonder, there were candy drops, they looked like a blessing rainbow.  As I plopped the spoon in my mouth, it slowly liquefied inside my mouth.  It tasted like mint with a hint of bubblegum, the sublime taste of the nectarios ice cream.  I plopped some of the formidable gummy into my mouth, it was as hard as a stone wall.  The ice cream smelt like bubble gum the smell tantalising I felt like I was in a whole different world.  

I hope you like reading my story/paragraph, if somethings wrong please do not hesitate to comment down below.