Writing - Respect

Welcome, it is Term 1, and I am pumped up to do some writing.  This week and last week we worked on writing how the All Blacks are showing respect to the Wallabies.  We had to get in 2 or 3 groups and give them feedback on their writing, after they have finished their draft.  So one I finished my draft I gave feedback to my group, and they gave feedback to me, to tell be what can i improved on.  So they gave me the feedback and on my final draft I improved.

Here is my draft:

After a impressive game, the Wallabies and All Blacks all gather up together as a group to shake hands and to congratulate each other.  The All Blacks happily congratulated the Wallabies and looked each other in the eye, with the up most respect.  They stand tall with pride and with the correct uniform.  

This is my groups feedback to me:

Very nice Lyan, there is just some lines that don't make sense. But besides that it great keep up the great work lyan.

I like this Lyan and I do agree with Mikayla there is a couple of sentences that need a little bit more changing but besides that great work!

This my final copy:

After a impressive game, the Wallabies and All Blacks all gather up together and congratulated each other.  The All Blacks happily congratulated the Wallabies and looked each other in the eye, as they shake their hands.  They stand tall with pride and with the correct uniform, with the up most respect for the other team.

If you have anymore feedback, please do not hesitate, to write it on the comment section below.

Have a great day!